Learning Through Living

It’s May, and we’ve started to see the graduation announcements and asking youths the ‘big questions’ of “what is your plan for next year”? I remember back to my own college graduation (once I passed my licensure exam)… the idea that I was finally entering the work force, wouldn’t just be cramming for tests and spending all my free time reading textbooks. I’ll be honest, for me it was one of the harder seasons in my life. God really challenged my identity, which had been too caught up in being a ‘good student’, focused on this upcoming career. I had to re-establish my identity as a child of God, as well as find some other hobbies. 

I studied a lot when I was in college. Hours upon hours a day. I remember my husband's old roommate asking me a question that really stuck with me. He asked “if you died today, wouldn’t you regret all this time you’re spending studying?” Now, I don’t think my answer to that question is necessarily no. I’m glad I worked hard and prepared as best as I could for the challenging career. But it does have a great underlying question, asking if our whole life until we reach adulthood is a time of preparation? Is the purpose of our education to prepare us for a job? To be contributing members of our society? And is all that time before graduation simply getting ready for ‘real life’ after?

Or is life before graduation just as meaningful? Is it just as much worth living?

One thing I appreciated about nursing school was that so much of our learning time was hands-on, in the hospital taking care of real people. Of course they start you out small, taking vitals, helping with the more stable patients and practicing assessments. And none of that would be appropriate without some knowledge beforehand. But throughout your time as a student nurse you gradually were able to increase your skills and responsibility. This ‘real life’ experience was the best teacher during that time. I thought it was ‘so cool’ that I got to do ‘real things’ while still in school, as opposed to most of my friends in other majors who spent all of their time in a classroom. The idea of becoming a nurse without that hands-on experience is truly frightening, which is why student nurses have required clinical hours. 

I often hear the phrase ‘learning the hard way’ when talking about kids, especially when dealing with toddlers. You can tell them they might fall down if they stand on a chair, but once they do they are much more likely to have a bit of caution. We see how much children learn just from living life. They learn to understand a complex language, talk, walk, theories and perceptions about how the world is; and all of this without a single class or textbook! 

Our brains are hardwired to learn through interacting with life. I recently had an experience with my youngest when we were outside picking dandelions. She had been helping me pick these flowers when suddenly she exclaimed ‘There’s pollen! Real pollen!” Her fingers were yellow and she was noticing the places where the pollen resided in the flower. Now, we had read plenty of books about bees collecting pollen and once even drawn out the anatomy of a flower (her sister’s assignment that she had chosen to do too), but nothing can sink in like that experience of first noticing ‘real pollen.’ 

I’m all about reading beautiful books with my kids. I have a passion for well written stories. But that alone is not enough. 

We had just read a book on the rainforest when we went to the local nursery to buy some plants for our garden. What did we find, but two of the vines that we had read about in the book. “It really does have holes like Swiss cheese!”. 

While my oldest daughter was in kindergarten she had to draw out the life cycle of a pumpkin. Maybe there is nothing really wrong with that, but how much more joy in discovering how plants grow than those green beans we just planted two weeks ago in a cup of dirt. They watered them faithfully until a sprout rose from the dark soil, and to hopefully see it turn into a vine so that we can harvest part of our dinner from that once-a-seed. 

My daughters have helped to put together bunk beds and outdoor play equipment. They run a lemonade stand where I make them pay for the paper cups and lemonade, then divide the earnings among themselves. I could keep going.  They are learning through doing. Through play. Sometimes the hard way, when something fails, but often with much joy and motivation. They are doing things in real life; thing that have real and meaningful consequences in their own lives and on the people around them. This gives them meaning and purpose to their work. Some things may require research beforehand, but alway for the end result of a real life accomplishment (either doing something or of satisfying a curiosity). 

Back when we were doing school in a more traditional way I sometimes would notice that the way I had my children learning was not the way that most adults would go about learning something they wanted to learn. In my everyday day life I still learn things through conversations with other people, reading a book or listening to a podcast on a subject I find interesting, looking up information to help me accomplish a goal. I don’t learn new things everyday, but some days I may spend a lot of time learning a ton as I am preparing to attempt a new project or trying to become familiar with a subject. The ‘each subject on a schedule’ was not how my kids wanted to be learning either. They would tell me an idea of something they wanted to learn more about, but somehow making it one of our subjects seemed to suck the joy out of learning about it. They want to learn in sprints or waves, just like I do as an adult. And they don’t want useless, disconnected from everything else information, but information that is integrated and useful. 

When I read a book I enjoy or find interesting, I discuss it with a friend. If they read it, I don’t quiz them to see if they read it thoroughly, but we discuss the ideas or plot and ask each other questions. When I discuss historical events with someone, we often talk about what happened, why, and its significance. It is so much more meaningful than making sure my friend knows the exact year something happened, or that they can simply say facts about what happened. 

I wondered about this difference. Why do I get to learn about things I am interested in, or at least feel a need to know about, in a way that feels very natural, while I think my children need to learn in a ‘schoolish’ way? Why couldn’t they learn in a way that they would spend the rest of their adult life learning, or learn through play the way that children were created to learn? Why did their learning need to be a check-the-box, follow a schedule approach? I realized that if I gave them more freedom in what they chose to learn, it didn’t mean I had to take my hands off the wheel, either in my parenting or my desire to influence my kids' hearts or passions.

I want them to learn art appreciation because I love art. I want them to love reading classical literature because I love classical literature. A class on these subjects can easily squash the joy as they learn to look for what is needed to do for an assignment instead of contagiously catching my passion for the subjects. By me interacting with these subjects the way a curious adult interacts with them, and allowing them to interact with them in a way that playful children interact with them, it still allows me to share information that I find important, while allowing them to maintain their own interests and enthusiasm. 

Unschooling doesn’t mean giving up my influence as a parent. It is valuing the process of learning over the completed to-do-list. It is the process of unveiling truth, goodness and beauty; just like my daughter as she discovered “real pollen”.  May you and your children experience the incredible discoveries and adventures available all around you.