The Intentional Home

What kind of home do you want to create for your family? I’m not talking about designing your dream house with new kitchen cabinets and an open floor plan; but rather the things that you can’t buy; the stuff that makes up the memories your kids will reflect on with fondness as an adult, the emotions and sensory imagines your family will associate with home. In a cultural age of distraction and business, it can be easy to enter into family life without much thought on how we want to cultivate our homes. Homemaking is becoming a lost art, overtaken by a competitive-goal focused society with unattainable to-do list. Homemaking isn’t limited to just keeping the house, but rather setting the tone for relationships, the home environment, family values, traditions, and pace of life. God created us to thrive in a family, with a longing for a place to belong; an echo of our being created in need of Him as our father with a desire for our true home with him. What might it look like for our homes to reflect His kingdom come?

When I talk with families beginning to homeschool, I away encourage them to consider their goals and desires surrounding their family life and home environment before looking deeper into how they want to homeschooling. Creating big picture goals for our families first, before considering the practical implementation goals helps us to filter our decisions based on if they help us towards our big picture goals. But even if we are not new to the homeschool world, it’s never too late to think intentionally about our homes and family culture. 

When my husband and I were married, we had to work to combine our lives and habits to create our own family. Most of our efforts went towards resolving differences in how to complete household tasks, and organizing visits with extended family. When my oldest was born I had great hopes to give her a childhood marked by love, that she would know the love of both our God and her family, to share with her our family traditions, and wanted to give her oppertunities to thrives and grow. While we had some general hopes and expectations for family culture, much of our lives were dictated by our busy schedules. Some major life changes (deciding to homeschool/ unschool, transitioning to be a stay-at-home mom, moving to a smaller town) rocked our busy schedule and opened up time. Time that was suddenly free and unstructured. Space to reshape our lives without as much external input. As I looked at this blank canvas of time, I began to think intentionally about how I wanted that time to look for our family. I began to consider our home in a new way, as a place to facilitate the family culture we wanted, and reflect the sacred and beautiful. 

I have seen a revival of conversation about traditions in your home, which is an integral part of home and family. The last few years my husband and I have started our own process of intentionally creating some new traditions for our own family as we are no longer living near extended family.

But what about the everyday traditions?  

The day to day rhythms and overall atmosphere in the home on a typical Monday are equally important as those special yearly traditions that you look forward to. Is your home a sanctuary for your family members? Is it a safe place for them to relax and let down their guard? Are there built in times for connection and time spent together as a family? Is there space for meaningful conversations? Is there both a physical place and time in the schedule for our children to pursue interests? Is there margin to daydream and process, or is life so full that everyone is rushing from one activity to another? Do you have space in your schedule to responde to God’s promtings? How will your children remember their childhood as they reflect back on the home they were raised in?

What would it look like to intentionally plan out our schedule, our belongings and decor, and our routines by first deciding what we want our homes to be, and seeing how our belongings and time can create a space for that vision? 

For our own family, I would like for our home to be a place of sanctuary and rest, where God’s love and goodness is made known to all who enter. I want out relationships to be characterized by loving kindness towards each other, and each person is valued and nurtured.

Here are a few of the ways this has taken shape in out house:

Daily/Weekly Rythms

Our current goal is for the girls and I to spend our mornings at home, to save that time for reading, time for them to pursue their interests, play and even just be together. As a social being I have to fight against the urge to fill all our time in social engagements. But that morning home time is part of my vision of a home for them, where they can look back at those rhythms of the slow mornings together. We do a tea party breakfast on Tuesday mornings that include a breakfast treat and poetry. Other mornings are cuddles, stories or games before breakfast and family devotional. Then the girls have space to use as they choose before lunch and usually an afternoon outing. On nights we’re all home Dad reads for an extended storytime while the girls craft or cuddle close. On Friday mornings we rotate the girls for Mommy or Daddy daughter dates, where the girls get one-on-one time with a parent. In these small rhythms to our week I hope to create memories of togetherness, and space for an unrushed childhood. We aim for a slower pace of life, so that there is space to follow God’s promtings, as He often invites us to serve Him and others without a lot of notice. 

Part of being able to pour into my family, is to be sure I am creating some space for my own filling. When the kids were young, I gave up watching any TV to be sure I went to bed early enough to wake up an extra 30 minutes before the kids woke to drink a cup of coffee and read bible and pray. That may have been all the time to myself I got in the entire day, but it was enough that when someone toddled out of bed I could greet them with a smile and a hug instead of a groan. I found that sacrifice improved our days together, as the children’s first interaction of the day was one of love. 

The Physical Space

Instead of a TV in our living room, we have bookshelves filled with inspiring stories, and another filled with art and craft supplies. While I would love a real fireplace, the previous owners kindly left an electric one, which as least can give the ambiance of a warm fire on cold days. We love to turn on music and listen to worship music, folksongs, and classics. The arranging of seating around the fireplace, the tone set by background music, all use what we already have to set a focus in our home to togetherness and peace. 

My husband and I received the good advice early in our marriage to never have such nice furniture that it becomes an unwelcoming space for children. While the furniture does not need to be junk, you don’t want the world to end when your child scratches their initials into the table or draw on the couch when your not looking… Our aim is somewhere between comfortable and visually appealing, while not becoming more important than relationships. There are also times I must choose to be content with what we do have, and creative in ways to make our home comfortable and hospitable without waiting until we can buy the nicest _____.  

I’m not a minimalist, but I do like a tidy space. Too much ‘stuff’ all over feels overwhelming and I feel it glare at me as if I should be working to get things done. We try to keep a habit of cleaning up the living room each evening to create a clean beginning for each new day, and a place I can feel relaxed in for those few precious moments I have with my husband before bed. This may not be what is important for you in your own house, but it is important to know what does matter to you, so you can make a plan to create a restful place for yourselves. 

Questions for Reflection

What is the atmosphere you would like to create in your home? 

How is God honored in your home?

What is your vision for the time your family spends together?

How can you create space for margin in life?

What weekly and daily family traditions/rythms would you like to incorporate into your week?

What changes can you make to move your home towards these goals?